There is a major shift in the consciousness of each person as we grow out of our first environment. As our viewpoints expand from the beginning of life, we leave the comforting nest of connection and belonging; mothers womb, mothers arms, exploration of all we can reach. We learn to toddle and walk, not because it is written in our genes, but because we are compelled to reach further and explore beyond what we know. We are driven by the need to expand the map of our awareness. We must touch our world, experience with sensations, identify, research and report back to our brain what we make contact with. In this literal feeling out, we realize just how vast our world is, and in turn how small we truly are.
My compass has always skewed a bit in the wrong direction. I wasn't drawn toward the things that would improve my life or circumstances, but toward experiences that would peel back my protective layers and expose me to the real, raw intensity of life. All the pain of it, all the pleasure and agony and confusion and awakening I could find. Through it all, I wrote about it. I photographed it, and sometimes I drew it or created art in other mediums. I have so many notebooks that I no longer have room for them, so I continue to write digitally. I feel now that if I don't get these musings out and into the world, they might disappear into obscurity, and I want to be sure that everything I did actually existed, even after this life is over.
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January 1993
AuthorMy internal compass has always skewed a bit in the wrong direction. I wasn't drawn toward the things that would improve my life or circumstances, but toward experiences that would peel back my protective layers and expose me to the raw intensity of life. All the pain of it, all the pleasure and agony and confusion and awakening I could find. Through it all, I wrote about it in journals, and this is my effort at making some sense out of the chaos. Categories |